Buffalo Chicken Hot Pocket

Okay, normally I'm a fan of all things Hot Pocket. Comes with the territory, I'm a Jim Gaffigan fan and a college student. But last night, dear readers, in a drunken haze, I attempted to consume something so horrendous I cannot even believe I'm here to report the news.

So it's a Hot Pocket, advertised innocuously as pieces of chicken in a buffalo sauce. Okay. But then you look at the ingredient list, and that's where the utter horror kicks in.

"Chopped and formed chicken with binder and caramel added." So the regular normal chicken wasn't good enough, so they processed it, ground it up, and made it into neat, little uniform chunks- chicken ice cubes, if you will, and added caramel to color it like...dark meat?

This makes the chicken gooey and taste like mushy tofu. And the buffalo sauce, I figured, might redeem the strangeness of this true mystery meat, but no! It was the spiciest, most acidic sauce I have ever had. Even the strange bread didn't redeem it. I took two bites and left it, staring in my beer haze...something...is...not...right...


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