Apologies for the lack of a post yesterday. Swagger and I got slightly caught up in an orgy of hard starches, aka, the Corn and Potato Festival. A tasting will ensue.
Man, I wish I was famous. I mean like, famous famous, like, "Ooops, that was my Ponzi scheme, but it's all good. Can I interest you gentlemen in some drinks? A nice Beaucastel, perhaps?" famous, more of that than of "Oh no, my vagina (aka, The Fame Monster) has gone off and posted itself on the YouTube. Again."
You don't need to be famous to do that!
Regardless, it would be pretty bitchin' if I had a few summer houses, a wine cellar, and the debonair to not give a damn at all. It's hard to look suave and autonomous in a '98 Ford Escort. I'm not complaining, though. The upper tax bracket does have some serious irritations, though- Rosie O'Donnell eating all the food at your parties, the pressure to keep your hair in the same shade of "frosted Greenwich blonde," and charities.
That might be the most annoying of all. But for those of you who aspire to be famous, there's an alternative. That's right, before you send off for that exotic mail-order baby or try to breastfeed the giant manbaby, Perez Hilton, you can just get this water, Metromint Goodberry. Goodberry. Even the name is simpering and pretentious, like a black tie charity ball for cleft palate afflicted Christian orphans. The hand is back, by the way.It's perfect for achieving that brooding, angry focus of complete and utter weltschmerz, because it tastes like a mixture of bad cough medicine and frustration. It's got a clever, catchy name, evocative of the yesteryear, with metrosexuality and singular color schemes. It has polka dots so it can match with your handbags and cummerbunds. And it tastes like honest to goodness horror, so you can feel guilty and ingest it at the same time.This water is terrible. The flavor lingers and the mint is loud and pushy, like Hillary Clinton, and I just want it to go away so I can return to my normal state of life. I couldn't even finish a shotglass of this swill. I don't wanna be famous. Not if I have to endorse democracy and Metromint. Not for anything- my cup runneth over! God damn, this water sucks.
Keepitcoming Love's Disturbing Observation of the Day: "This water tastes like punishment."
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