White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers

The night has taken an unexpectedly bad turn, so I'm going to make this brief.

I think White Castle is a remarkably preserved staple of Americana. It seems to be completely timeless, its little squishy buns soaking up and holding all the memes, all the slang, and all the 2004 hit film quotes you can handle.

So late last week, Dillinger and I went to the store so we could has cheeseburger. I've never been to any of the Jersey chains because it's a cesspool, and have never had an excuse to get them anywhere else. Luckily, Big Y had frozen burgers, so off we went to see what all the stoner hype was all about.The burgers were easy to prepare- certainly easier than their Urban Dictionary counterpart, a "white castle" that involves a man and a woman having sex while the woman fellates another man, and involved 100% less contraception. The burgers are identical to those served in the restaurant, but lack the quintessential pickles and mustard on top. Personally, I would have preferred mustard, but it just adds an extra step. A minute in the microwave and they're all set.There's very little beef in here, similar to a 7th grade freestyle showdown or Fabio's underpants, but the flavor is recognizable and moist. Surprisingly, the cheese is the dominant flavor here, tasting very much like liquid cheese on nachos. The grilled onions add a nice textural and flavorful touch, and I found the bun to be inoffensive and not like a hockey puck at all. One serving of two sliders is not very filling at all and gives one the chutzpah to try and eat ten. Note: this is not humanly possible.

I'd buy these again only if I was very stoned, but I think even then I'd be more apt to search for a real White Castle in the area or simply give up and attempt to perform a "white castle" with some very good friends.

Labels: , , , , ,