Colia Frutta C

If my two favorite Italian brothers, Mario and Luigi have taught me anything, it would be that Italians are a flamboyantly deceiving people. They may seem like cartoon plumbers trying to save the princess in a cartoon world filled with evil mushrooms and evil turtles, but beyond the colorful mushrooms and never ending castles, the deeper message is about tapping that royal ass at the end of the day.

These strange candies I found in the mystery box of goodies acquired from Foodette was no exception to this strange Italian custom. From box they were contained in, it looked rather safe and even a child can enjoy them. Boasting the fact that these candies were enhanced with vitamin c, they seemed like they would be a rather fun and delicious way to fight off scurvy. Based on the fruity (pun intended) pictures on the box, I was able to figure out that in the center of each of these little candies was a liquid center of scurvy combating goodness. And with no more further speculation to the contents of the mystery center, I popped one of these candies in my mouth to find out what the mystery center is.The hard outer shell of the candy was just what one could expect from a candy that boasts it to contain a high value of vitamin c. It tastes like a vitamin c rich supplement hard candy. Much like the kind that Halls makes and can be purchased over the counter at your local pharmacy. It has a rather bitter citrus flavor like an orange peel. It wasn’t sweet like a Jolly Rancher like the box would have me to believe with its vibrant colors and flashy Italian words.

The mystery center of this candy was something that no one would expect from the colorful and kiddy packaging. The mystery center was just fucking cough syrup. The mystery center to this candy was just a tiny liquid filled center of fucking Robitussin citrus flavored cough syrup. It was as a welcomed surprise as being woken up by a punch to the testicles.

The thought of why anyone would put cough syrup in the middle of a candy baffles me to no end. Could this be a cough drop type candy where one would consume when they have a cough and sore throat? If that is indeed the case, then why is the box so colorful and flashy that it would suggest normal everyday consumption? Maybe the box clearly states that the delicious mystery center was actually just over the counter cough syrup. I don’t know, I can’t read Italian, I’ll probably never find out. This is probably going to be one of life’s little mysteries that will never be solved. Fucking magnets, how do they work? It’s a miracle.

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