Lazy Cakes

I saw these in a gas store and had a mild seizure in front of the cigarillos and Clark Bars. Really? A brownie that makes you relax? With a creepy, Mr. Hanky-esque mascot on the front? From the website And a fake message warning me of future overusage of the word dude? This made my inner 14 year old squeal because drugs mean rebelling against the man, yo. They're Lazy Cakes, a brand of "baked relaxation" bringing butthurt to Georgians everywhere and a new form of rohypnol to guidos up in the cluuuuuuub. To be fair, there's no trace of drug references (overt, at least,) in these brownies. In fact, a simple check of the ingredients tells us that the relaxation elements are no more exotic than a holistic mother's medicine cabinet: melatonin, rosehips, and velarian root. Two out of three of those are actually known for helping relax the brain- rose hip is mainly a healthy treat for chinchillas. So we've looked it over and there's no weed in this feed, but is it good?

Luckily for Lazy Cakes, they've baked a brownie scientifically proven to interact pleasantly with my brownie taste preferences, according to the Foodette Scale of Brownie Baking Perfection, or the FSBBP. As I've said here and here, my brownies must be medium rare, halfway between raw and pudding-like, and these were no exception. They had a dense texture and a chocolatey flavor and were soft and squishy. Very nicely done. They felt a little better than a Little Debbie Snack cake, with none of that chewy weirdness, but doubtedly up to the level of a homemade brownie. There were no chemically aftertastes. But taste wasn't the only factor. I was here for the side effects, baby.I don't know whether this is a placebo effect or not, but I'm damned tired. Swagger made me dinner and I spent a lot of time laughing at Blades of Glory, but that was the only thing I really did today and I am absolutely beat. After eating this brownie, I had to concentrate to stay awake. I don't know the amounts of chemicals in this, as the nutrition label does not specify the dosages, but it did its job as far as I can tell. I'd have to revise the FSBBP and do some tests with my trained lab mice to get better results, but Lazy Cakes were better than I originally anticipated them to be. Good luck entering them in a middle school science fair, though.

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