Smart Ones makes a rather bold claim in assuming that you can eat their Anytime selection any time of day. Oh, can I, Smart Ones? Now that I have your permission? Coming from someone who has been known to eat Easy Mac in the wee hours o' the morn with chopsticks to boot, I don't feel any more liberated knowing that I'm allowed to snarf down one slider any time I please.
Along with the Mini Cheeseburgers, Smart Ones seems to be on a trend of "bar snacks for infants," also offering mini quesadillas, mini non-stoner bagel bites, and mini taquitos to round them off. The mini burgers are easy to prepare and boast a fair amount of cheese. Thirteen words to basically yap about a very simple concept: tiny Frankenstein burgers with TVP and a strangely delicious bun. The bun is the best part about this slider, actually, with a floury, dense texture and buttery flavor. I don't know how the bun alone isn't the 200 calories in each 'wich, but I do know that don't want to eat it as much as I want to stick googly eyes on the little sucker, film a short comedy series, and adopt it as my own. It's that twee.
Unfortunately, it didn't really blow me away. If anything, this was the equivalent of a lazy backseat handjob. This was like the latter-day excitement I'd normally reserve for a used salad shaker. While I don't expect the same level of expertise in frozen foods than say, at wd-50, I do expect a modicum of congruity and tastiness. This was just insulting. For 200 calories, I was able to eat one of these dense, salty little suckers, which, despite having a fair amount of slick, weak-flavored cheese, contained a pungent and soft, yet tough burger patty the size of a commemorative coin. This was no slider. I couldn't lie to myself.
What's worse is that I made a meal out of this with some oven fries and one burger, coming out to 500 calories. 500 calories nets me four White Castle hamburgers, a far more filling and well-prepared food, even if out of the freezer. Not to mention that White Castle sells their frozen counterparts in six packs for around $2.50. I picked up this package of two Smart Ones sliders for a little over $3. At $1.60ish a slider, that's like comedy club prices and I didn't even get a commemorative shot glass to show for it. So Smart Ones, you can suck it. I've had enough of this baby bar food tomfoolery and will stick to my regular favorites.
Labels: 3, frozen, meat, sandwich