Twix Fino

Turns out America isn't the only country with snack foods that pander to feeding the obese, hulking mass of good old fashioned misogyny. I first saw this ovary-themed bar on Jim's Chocolate Mission, and Keepitcoming Love picked this up for me to review. Let me preface this by telling you something you probably already know. I'm a big girl. I like big foods. I like weird foods. So blahed-up, sized-down versions of snacks like 100 Calorie Packs just don't turn me on. However, I do like new versions of old classics, so with this in mind, I checked out this candy bar.
As Jim mentioned, the bar was designed as a "healthier" option to expand the brand to the female professional market. In replacing the shortbread cookie layer for a less bottom heavy wafer, it opens worlds of opportunities for insult. Y'know, for when you get bored during those stuffy suit business meetings and just wanna eat an entire pint of ice cream. Amirite, ladies? From the get-go, this sounds like a product that just begs to be backed by a sunny KT Tunstall single and at least one shopping montage. Single professional girl in the city seeks...a lighter future. Fatass.
The Twix Fino isn't too much lighter, in weight, than the normal Twix, which, for all intensive purposes, will be the UK version. Weighing in at a svelte 38 grams compared to the bulky 50.7 grams of its big sister and clad in a sexy, totally unexpected silver wrapper, the Twix Fino just begs to be seduced in a bar and swept up in the moment of a rom-com later at night. Unwrapped, the bar is flatter and a little wider than the original, but looks like your basic Twix knockoff. The mockolate melts creamily, imparting very little substance or nuances to its flavor, and the caramel was gooey but virtually nonexistent. As for the wafer layer, biting into it, it's clear that this is just one gigantic laugh at the progress of babymakers everywhere. What's inside? Empty space. Of course.
Aside from being a walking, edible version of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," this bar is largely unsuccessful in providing a product that would captivate its target audience. I'm taking liberties and assuming here that the average buyer of these is a smart, working, weight-conscious consumer, with a focus on looking sharp and having a snappy appearance. With a bar that sheds its crumbs everywhere and tastes mainly of sugar cones and mockolate, this is more geared toward Jersey Shore watching, filthy mouthed middle schoolers whose biggest fiscal year quarter end goals are to master the art of the no-handed bleacher blowjob. This bar's demographic is not looking for a product that cuts corners. We can do better than this.

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