I did not expect to see these marshmallows, clad in a bag that looked like it was straight out of 2005 with flavors that haven't soared in popularity since their conception. And they were only a dollar apiece! Blasphemy, I tell you. Almost makes up for passing up the Current/Elliott-esque skinny jeans and gym teacher sweats in the clothing section. I'm the classiest of classy ladies. Pina Colada and German Chocolate, though. Wow. And in bite-form nonetheless.my good friend JFG trying the Pina Colada mallows in September. And yet the bag honestly looked and felt like it had been printed in the mid-2000's. I couldn't even get the price tag off without risking damage to the package. Either someone cheaped out or got creative with recycling. And there's a typo on the bag! I ate American-made food with a typo! I feel like I'm going to lose brain cells or suddenly gain the ability to do complex math from that or something. Yikes.
Creepy packaging aside, I came into this with a little bit of a bias- I'm just not that into marshmallows. Sure, I'll take them if nothing else is around, but when push comes to shove they're the edible equivalent of a sloppy, drunk hook-up with an ex or old friend over Thanksgiving break. It's there, and that's about it. The package designs are adorable- little fuzzy marshmallow viewing windows, drawings of marshmallows and festive beverages and slices of cake all over the place, and some helpful suggestions along the lines of informing the consumer of a whipping aid, always a plus in my book, suggestions of piling marshmallows on cake and such, I don't know, they don't pay me to read, and the ever-popular disclaimer that these are alcohol-free. Party hard tonight, Mr. Roboto.
German chocolate marshmallows? Good idea. Making them look like death's hairballs? Bad idea. Good thing these were sized to pop right in the mouth- you do not want to bite these open. Who in the world thought that puce-grey-midsize sedan was a good color for a candy?! And they taste and smell blatantly, almost offensively synthetic like a scratch and sniff sticker or some sort of trendy Japanese perfume for teens, like cardboard Tootsie Rolls. The coconut is a little less aggressive here, but no less flaky and dry on the palate. Both made delicious s'mores, but really, that color is just heinous. Still, I wouldn't kick them out of bed, or my Rice Krispie treats.