I’m totally a
celebrity. My UPS guy thinks I’m a legend, to the point where I have to
give him my autograph every time I get a package. Geez, stalker much? My
sexuality is mystical, my Levis are unwashed so the denim stays pure, or at
least until the washing machine in my unit is fixed. And I get plenty of
exciting packages in the mail, circulars notwithstanding. Recently, Dove sent me a package that wouldn’t have been out of place
at the Oscars, or at the very least, the Outstanding Performance in Telemundo Series
Awards. Candles! Lip balm! Doublemint! Hand soap! It’s perfect for both the
mint lover and the obsessive compulsive cleaner in you. And thankfully, I have
They’ve recently introduced Dove Mint Chocolate Promises, now 150% more reliable than the
promises your parents made you when you were seven. I mean, did you really get
that pony? Now, you can self-soothe and self-medicate with chocolate. I’m not
typically a fan of chocolate and mint, but in this case, the mint is swirled with white chocolate so the herbaceous flavor is
far less intense. The Promises have a very mild flavor, heavy on the cocoa
butter and vanilla, almost like butter mints coated in chocolate. The dark chocolate is not very nuanced as far as dark chocolates go, but I liked how it blended with the mint without being too overpowering. They’re tasty
as a snack and have a cool melt on the tongue.
If you ignore the vaguely ominous messages printed on the
inside of the label that seems almost tailored to speak to your frail
self-esteem – “Chocolate won’t let you
down!” they’re the perfect snack. I’m surprised that I haven’t tried these
before, as they make a nice treat to put out for guests with coffee after
dinner. Or serve to the paparazzi outside my house. I mean, that frat guy with the camera who stares at my back door is definitely
with the press. Right?
So, just remember,
the only certainty in life is smooth chocolate. And, y’know, the sweet, tasty embrace of death.
Delicious mint chocolates! Suck it, Thomas Jefferson! Dove for life! Also, don’t
they make soap?
This post has been
brought to you by My New Bathroom Ceiling (patent pending)
George, the handyman who didn’t bat an eye at my creepy paintings. Thanks, George.
Labels: 7, candy, chocolate