Ugh, I just had a grilled cheese explosion all over my sweatpants. Too much? Perhaps. One might even call it...wait for it...
cheesy. I'd personally call it
a gloopy, room temperature mess. Welcome to our fifth day of Gross Week, readers. Here's the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Grilled Cheese Explosion, brought to you by bewildered kittens!
Hold your horses, adult baby fetishizers- this is so easy you won't have to have your aging mom make it for you.
How many different ways can companies try to shuffle around cheese, anyway? Seeing asiago Cheetos and camembert Easy Cheez just bothers me. It all tastes like the basic, vaguely tangy saltfest we all know and love.
I'm not quite eager to whip out a bag of ten-year old vintage Ritz Bits with aged cheddar, if you know what I mean.
So the
Kraft Grilled Cheese Explosion, now with 100% more splooging on the package, eschews the familiar elbow macaroni format for little ditalini noodles. All the better to hold you with, I suppose. These looked appetizing dry but took on a
translucent, slippery quality unlike any pasta I've had recently. It definitely wasn't how I remembered eating it as a child.
The directions for Kraft's mac and cheese have also changed, in no part due to their stellar legal team fighting the obesity crisis.
What used to be the "light" instructions in small print on the bottom of the box has now replaced the classic preparation and has cut the butter and milk in half. Of course, this doesn't hinder you from adding a half stick of butter rather than a half tablespoon as I did as a child, but does try to detract and sort of screws with the ratios of the proper sauce mixture. When mixed, the entire pot of pasta
seizes up unpleasantly instead of melting into a nice sauce, and the cheese powder never quite loses its grainy texture.
I was surprised at how large the individual grains of powder were- they were more corrugated and crystallized than the fine powder of yore but surprisingly flavorless.
Despite smelling sharp, like actual cheddar,
the only noticeable flavor was incredibly offputting, reeking of salt and butter, and not just the butter I added. It had more of a fake butter quality to it, making it
more appropriately flavored as "$9 movie theatre popcorn" and had a clumpy, weirdly thick texture. Even after adding more than the recommended amount of milk, the sauce
separated in some parts and seized in others, leaving each spoonful half-full of milky, runny sauce and half-full of chunks of undissolved powder.
As much as I love macaroni and cheese,
this was inedible. Add its poor flavor to the confusing fact that there are two more of these "cheese explosion" varieties and you have a god-awful tasting menu. I don't understand how Kraft's menu team translated grilled cheese to a butter-on-butter sleazefest, but there you have it.
Even piling a bit on top of a homemade nugget with some hot sauce like a cheap wedding appetizer didn't help it. It was a veritable onslaught of hypertension crammed into small tubes.
How many different ways can companies try to shuffle around cheese, anyway? Seeing asiago Cheetos and camembert Easy Cheez just bothers me. It all tastes like the basic, vaguely tangy saltfest we all know and love. I'm not quite eager to whip out a bag of ten-year old vintage Ritz Bits with aged cheddar, if you know what I mean. 
So the Kraft Grilled Cheese Explosion, now with 100% more splooging on the package, eschews the familiar elbow macaroni format for little ditalini noodles. All the better to hold you with, I suppose. These looked appetizing dry but took on a translucent, slippery quality unlike any pasta I've had recently. It definitely wasn't how I remembered eating it as a child.
The directions for Kraft's mac and cheese have also changed, in no part due to their stellar legal team fighting the obesity crisis. What used to be the "light" instructions in small print on the bottom of the box has now replaced the classic preparation and has cut the butter and milk in half. Of course, this doesn't hinder you from adding a half stick of butter rather than a half tablespoon as I did as a child, but does try to detract and sort of screws with the ratios of the proper sauce mixture. When mixed, the entire pot of pasta seizes up unpleasantly instead of melting into a nice sauce, and the cheese powder never quite loses its grainy texture. I was surprised at how large the individual grains of powder were- they were more corrugated and crystallized than the fine powder of yore but surprisingly flavorless.
Despite smelling sharp, like actual cheddar, the only noticeable flavor was incredibly offputting, reeking of salt and butter, and not just the butter I added. It had more of a fake butter quality to it, making it more appropriately flavored as "$9 movie theatre popcorn" and had a clumpy, weirdly thick texture. Even after adding more than the recommended amount of milk, the sauce separated in some parts and seized in others, leaving each spoonful half-full of milky, runny sauce and half-full of chunks of undissolved powder.
As much as I love macaroni and cheese, this was inedible. Add its poor flavor to the confusing fact that there are two more of these "cheese explosion" varieties and you have a god-awful tasting menu. I don't understand how Kraft's menu team translated grilled cheese to a butter-on-butter sleazefest, but there you have it. Even piling a bit on top of a homemade nugget with some hot sauce like a cheap wedding appetizer didn't help it. It was a veritable onslaught of hypertension crammed into small tubes.
hilarious.
ReplyDeleteYou should melt the butter, milk and cheese sauce separate from the noodles instead of mixing it all together at once, genius. Gets rid of those horrid lumps of cheese sauce powder. Kraft Grilled Cheese Explosion FTW!!!!!! (use Land O Lakes unsalted butter and Half and Half instead of milk)Always!
ReplyDeleteI just had the same thing happen to me. I normally boil the water open the box take out the cheese packet and put the macaroni into the boiling water, but this time my friend said that the first 3 boxes that he opened had small black bugs in the macaroni. So I opened the box and poured the macaroni onto a sheet of paper and there were these little black spots in the macaroni and they moved. It made me sick and I threw it out. But this was from a ten pack that I purchased from Sams Club and still have 6 boxes left. I have contacted Kraft to see what can be done. I have enjoyed Kraft Mac and Cheese since I was a kid and that was quite a long time ago but since finding this I don't know if I ever will again. I think its there packaging that is causing this or there are bugs in the manufacturing of the product. The date code on the box shows that it does not expire till Jan 30, 2013.
ReplyDeleteI just had the same thing happen to me. I normally boil the water open the box take out the cheese packet and put the macaroni into the boiling water, but this time my friend said that the first 3 boxes that he opened had small black bugs in the macaroni. So I opened the box and poured the macaroni onto a sheet of paper and there were these little black spots in the macaroni and they moved. It made me sick and I threw it out. But this was from a ten pack that I purchased from Sams Club and still have 6 boxes left. I have contacted Kraft to see what can be done. I have enjoyed Kraft Mac and Cheese since I was a kid and that was quite a long time ago but since finding this I don't know if I ever will again. I think its there packaging that is causing this or there are bugs in the manufacturing of the product. The date code on the box shows that it does not expire till Jan 30, 2013.
ReplyDelete